Fangirls Need Love Too!

Full disclosure: I am a fangirl. I am, I'll admit it. I regularly get lost in books and want to believe that the characters truly exist out in the universe somewhere. The book boyfriends of my past, Edward, Peeta, Four, Jace, and of course, my favorite, Jamie Fraser, all prove my complete geekiness. In my defense I'd like to say the reason for these obsessions is I'm a late bloomer since I never went "boy crazy" in junior high and high school, but I'm pretty sure I'm just wired as a hopeless romantic. Actually, another book lover and friend put it best when she said I was a pragmatic romantic. I fully know that these leading men are only on the pages of my books and that my life does not follow the plot lines that authors write. Not to worry, I'm not waiting around for my life to play out like a popular novel. 

Fangirl is the second book I've read by Rainbow Rowell. I read her beautiful novel, Eleanor & Park two summers ago. I've always regretted not writing a blog post about it, but I loved it too much at the time to be able to put it into words. I quite literally recommend, give, or lend it to most of my friends (and even mere acquaintances) who enjoy reading. I'll quickly say this, I was Eleanor in high school minus all the crazy family issues. But who she was at the core and what she thought of herself...that was me. And when I get to read a character that I see so much of the deepest parts of myself in, I fall in, head over heels. If you haven't read it, put it at the top of all your piles of books. It deserves it, you deserve it!

Fangirl was no different for me. My lovely (and totally awesome) cousin, Jenn, recently read Eleanor & Park and yelled at me in shouty capital letters on Facebook that the book was, "BREAKING MY HEART AND I NEVER WANT IT TO END" and that it "book broke" her (a new phrase for me that I love and will use forevermore. ~Thanks Jenn!) Her sentiments are exactly how I felt while reading Fangirl. I wanted to hurry up and finish but I wanted to stay with Cath and Levi and all the other characters for hundreds of more pages.

Fangirl is about Cath and Wren, twins just starting their freshman year of college in Lincoln, Nebraska. Cath is an introvert while Wren is not. Their mother left them and their manic father when they were in grade school which has left both girls with some obvious issues. Cath is confused and hurt when Wren says she doesn't want to room together. Instead, Cath's roommate is Reagan, a surly junior who's boyfriend, Levi, is always around pestering, teasing and making Cath nervous. Cath writes fan fiction for her favorite series of fantasy books that is really a loosely veiled Harry Potter (but what isn't?) Cath would probably readily admit that she'd rather be in the world of Simon Snow than the real world of campus living. The plot is so much more than that, but I don't want to say more because everyone should have the opportunity to experience it the way I did. Which actually pisses me off because I can't share one of my favorite things about the book since it will give away too much before you have even begun. Hmpf! I will say, it just added to my general feelings of awe toward Rainbow Rowell's ability as an author.

Since I won't say more about the plot, I will gush about how this book made me feel. I have little slips of paper marking scene after scene that just made me...sigh. If I was Eleanor in high school, I am Cath in college and beyond. Rowell knows me at my core. If we had ever known each other as adolescents, we would have been friends. Except of course, there is the fact that even though I love people and have learned to conduct myself in larger groups quite well, I'm actually much more of an introvert. So scratch that, Rainbow Rowell and I never would have gotten around to talking. We would have just secretly thought the other seemed pretty cool. 

Rainbow Rowell's writing about the boy-girl experience is so completely spot on. Cath describes her dorm room as feeling too small whenever Levi is there. Who hasn't felt like that when in the room with someone who oozes charming personality?! Or when Cath says, "Smiling is confusing. This is why I don't do it." when she isn't sure if she's flirting with her writing partner. Yeah, Cath. I agree, smiling can be confusing. And then there's, "Breaking news: Boys smell good." Yep, Cath! They sure do...especially when you're discovering you have the ability to flirt. If there are any guys reading this, let me give you a HUGE tip. If you happen to be chasing a girl who loves to read, takes some cues from Levi. He's got some great moves which include getting Cath to read to him all the time. It would probably work in real life too. Really, I could keep quoting Rowell's beautiful characters but you should just read the book and find all your own favorite quotes that speak to your heart. I rarely cry while reading a book, and Rowell made me cry. Twice. I saw it coming and it didn't matter. I cried and kept crying because we have all either experienced something similar or can at least empathize with the characters.

I love Cath. She's smart, a little clueless, a lot awkward and totally lacking confidence. All things I identify with. This book isn't just a love story between a girl and a boy. It's a love story for sisters, family, a pursued passion, and fictional worlds. Deep down, this book is about learning that it's good to step out of your comfort zone in order to discover that there is so much more in the world. This is something I'm still learning and I hope to continue learning for the rest of my life. Some day I would like to meet Rainbow Rowell face to face to tell her how much her words and characters mean to me. I want to hug her and say, "Thank you for writing and allowing me to see myself within the pages of a book."